<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>All the sides self harm by magicalcookie664</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23709379">All the sides self harm</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalcookie664/pseuds/magicalcookie664'>magicalcookie664</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shitty vents idc [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Blood, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Cutting, Deceit Sanders Angst, Emotional Hurt, Hurt, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt No Comfort, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Loneliness, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Past Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Sad, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sobbing, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, vent - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:40:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,312</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23709379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalcookie664/pseuds/magicalcookie664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>All the sides self harm and this is why. </p><p>Vent fic. Read the tags.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Past Anxceit - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shitty vents idc [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1773316</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All the sides self harm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Major trigger warning: The tags. Read the tags and stay safe. </p><p>This is literally my vent fic at 2am cause I relapsed and I'm procrastinating everything like a monster.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1:<br/>
Patton does it to stop feeling, to find an outlet for the emotions brimming up inside him. He does it when he feels overly sad, or angry, or overwhelmed. The pain is soothing and he hates it, hates that he feels things. He feels everything and he feels too much. His smiles are so fake, his laugh so forced. The Patton everyone else sees is just a mask, a facade, a lie. It's not him, not really. The real Patton is an emotional wreck, a crying, broken mess. </p><p>So he locks his bedroom door and sits on the edge of his bed, a towel covering his legs. He holds the sharpener blade above his wrist in shaky hands. He does it for the pain. The more physical pain he experiences, the less emotional pain he feels. The cuts are never deep enough for his liking. He slashes at his arms, leaving hundreds of long, bleeding scratches. They barely even scar. He cries when he does it, often having to pause what he's doing to stuff his face into his pillow and sob. </p><p>He hides his wounds under his cat hoodie, his faux smile never questioned. He likes it better that way, as a secret. He doesn't want to bother the others with his stupidity and his overly emotional issues. If someone notices, he just smiles at them. "It was an accident." Is all he ever says. </p><p>2:<br/>
Logan does it to feel. He feels numb, hollow, empty. He needs something - anything - to show that he's alive, that he's not a machine. He doesn't understand emotions, unable to comprehend any illogical thought that finds its way inside him. Sometimes he feels like a robot, devoid of feeling. He wants - needs - to rid himself of this terrible apathy. </p><p>He doesn't touch his arms, knowing they're the obvious place for people to look. He locks his door and sits at his desk, a pocket knife in hand as he slices up his thighs, getting blood all over the chair. He cuts slowly, leaving neat little lines striping across the skin on his legs. His hand never shakes, his breathing never changes. Sometimes he laughs a little to himself, whereas other times he cries. The pain makes him feel alive again, makes him feel real. He lives for it, this strange feeling, unable to make it through a full day without it. </p><p>He never wears shorts, always choosing to wear smart jeans in order to hide his injuries. Everything is hidden behind his perfect poker face. No one questions the sanity of Logan, the apathetic machine. If anyone were to ever find out, he'd come up with some excuse. He's smart, after all, isn't he? </p><p>3:<br/>
Roman does it to punish himself. Every time Remus appears, he hurts himself. Every time he screws up, ruins things for Thomas and the others, he hurts himself. Every time he looks at himself in the mirror, he wants to hurt himself. He's always boasting in front of the others about how amazing he is, but in reality, he doesn't believe a single word of it. He can't stand the sight of himself or the sound of his voice. He deserves to suffer, to feel pain, to be ridden with scars for the rest of his life. </p><p>He's a little suicidal, not that he'd ever admit it. He rather enjoys playing with his life, tracing the blade along the line of his wrist, knowing that if he slips up he'll end up bleeding to death. His thighs are covered in words, hateful thoughts carved into his skin so deeply they spill red down his legs. Ugly is the word used most often. He carves it into his arms, his ankles, the skin on his hip. He's covered in bleeding cuts and cruel crimson words. He once fantasized slashing at his face, deciding against it when he realised he wouldn't be able to hide it from the others. </p><p>Roman's not very good at hiding his scars and cuts, only because he bears so many of them. He wears long sleeves day in day out, ignoring those who question him about it. If anyone asks, he claims they're battle wounds, and in a way, he's not wrong. </p><p>4:<br/>
Virgil does it to calm down. He does it when he's feeling overly panicked about something and he just can't control his breathing. The pain provides something for him to latch onto, something to ground him. Most of the time he has no memory of the action itself, only the gaping wounds on his arms as proof. </p><p>He locks himself in the bathroom when he can feel the panic building. He's spent many a day curled up inside an empty bathtub, his hands knotted in his hair and blood pooling around him. When he's panicking, he has no control over what he does. If he can get his hands on a razor blade, then he'll slice through his skin as much as possible. He often ends up needing stitches, when he finally comes to his senses after what could've been hours or days of freaking out. His legs are pretty scar-free, all things considered. His arms are easier to reach so therefore they are his go to. </p><p>An oversized hoodie can hide a lot of secrets, he's found out. The long sleeves cover up his badly stitched wounds and gigantic scars. He never takes off his hoodie, so no one ever sees what lies underneath. That's how it should be, he constantly tells himself. He doesn't want to upset his family, so no matter how bad it gets, how much blood he looses, he never tells a soul.</p><p>5:<br/>
Deceit does it when he feels lonely. He misses Virgil with all of his being, though he'd rather drop dead than admit it. His thoughts often wander to the anxious boi when doing everyday things. Eating dinner - Virgil used to eat dinner with him and they'd talk about random topics, sometimes play a game of would you rather. Watching a movie - Virgil used to watch movies with him. They'd sit together on the couch, Virgil's head resting on his shoulder as he slowly fell asleep on top of him. Deceit wouldn't mind though; he found it absolutely adorable. Virgil was his goddamn sunshine and now it's been taken away and he doesn't know what to do. </p><p>So he hides away in the dark side of the mind space, a blade in hand. He likes digging sharp objects into his skin, watching the red well up and spill onto the floor. He likes the pain, how with his blades he doesn't feel quite so alone anymore. His wrists are a mess of bright red lines, some deep and gaping, others small and more superficial. (If that word even applies to such a thing.) He usually does it after a session of prolonged crying, where he's left feeling miserable and alone, curled up on his bed in the domain of the hated. </p><p>He's Deceit, so no one ever notices. He's Deceit, so no one ever sees. He's Deceit, so he deceives them all perfectly without really having to try. He's Deceit, so no one ever looks close enough to see how in pain he truly us. He's a liar, a wonderful liar. He's Deceit though, so in truth, no one ever sees because no one even cares. </p><p>6:<br/>
Remus does it when he's bored. He does it because he finds it fun, in the twisted way that only he ever could. He often laughs while he make himself bleed, a crazy smile spread across his face. He does it in the bath, watches in strange fascination as his blood mixes with the water. </p><p>No one ever sees what he does to himself. It's better that way. There are some things even he draws the line at.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a mess I'm not even going to check it for typos.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>